Even today I remember how I came to be part of I am today, it all had begun long ago when I was still little. The exact age I can't remember, but the feeling had behind everything. I was young, very young and I loved watching TV, sometimes when I would see pretty girls I would stare at them, it was confusing to me. I thought it was wrong for me, a girl to be watching those pretty girls or beautiful they were. I always tried to forget, to try and never look at them, but I never could, I would think. "It's okay, you are just watching them because it's different, doesn't make you lesbian." Time passed and I always tried ignoring the fact that I liked seeing girls.
Time passed, I had grown a bit and wanted to have a boyfriend, I had one but it was more for a child's play than anything. I meet this girl, I always admired, and she was pretty and a good person. I liked her and wanted to be her friend, and just be there with her. I once dreamed about her, we were both pregnant and running away. As weird as it might sound it was a nice dream, I told her and friends about it. The moment they heard it they started to mock me and calling me lesbian. It made me feel bad, so I kept quiet; I hated the idea of being a lesbian.
About a few months or maybe years passed, I was moving away from the country to come to the United States. It had been our family's dream and I was ready to come. The moment I came I was introduced to many things and ways to talk to people around the globe, introduced to open-minded people. I found refuge on the internet, where I could be myself and didn't need to hide; there I saw so many things, both wonderful and bad. Time went on and I started to acknowledge gay was fine, just another part of society. I learned a lot about myself. Seeing people open about their sexuality made me realize mine, that I wasn't only attracted to boys, but girls too. I felt relieved and happy, as if I had the world to myself. As more time passed, even though I knew I was bi and even today, I'm still confused. There are so many things that are hard to understand and I'm still young.
I have yet to tell people about myself, not all of my friends know since I'm afraid they won't understand. In my family, my cousin is the only one that knows, though still offish about he is been able to accept me as I am. Today I'm still scared of telling people, to tell my mom, and confused as hell because I don't know what to do with myself.
It takes time, or it might just happen to be, find yourself, it's confusing because you barely know what to do, how to handle it. It takes a lot of courage to accept and communicate.